Sitting

He stood there waiting for an occurrence. Just anything. A wind to blow a gentle breeze, a rustling of the fallen leaves, a chirping of a bird. But nothing yielded to his simple wish. It was as if the world was one with what he was feeling. Its been a tough couple of months for Seth. A whirlwind of emotions both elation and at the same time despair occupying the same place in his being. Curse the duality and complexity of feelings. If he were a cat, dog, or sheep he would just be either, hungry, sleepy, in heat, or satisfied. Alas, there will be no happiness and yet there is no despair as well.

He wandered the halls for awhile looking and searching for something. For what he does not know. The world seemed bleak. It was even bleaker with the realization that there is nothing for him to look forward to. There was nothing for him to wake up to. Yet, his heart was not in turmoil as he expected it to be. It was as if he was dead and hollow inside. He knows it is just for this moment. So he let it engulf him totally. The emptiness, and deadness, and the nothingness, all of it swallowing his being whole. The world was gray. So was he.

He settled to sit on a bench. He looked over in a distance. He saw what was. He saw something beautiful. He had it, and now has lost it. The feeling of despair slowly crushing his chest as if it were a thousand pound weight. The image of what was, and might have been was just too overwhelming. And here he was, in the now, sitting with nothing or no one. Not even a promise that it will be better. That it will be ok. He closed his eyes and allowed all the beautiful memories to flood his senses. The scent, the touch, the feeling, and then it happened. He let go. He was dead inside. But only for a moment. Now he truly begins to live.

But for now, he just sits. Eyes slightly squinting at the ever vague future. And in the shadows of what might have been shines a glimmer of hope.

But for now he sits in silence. In peace, in tranquility, despite the turmoil of emotions welling up inside. He sits.

2 Responses to “Sitting”

1. Maki says:

   January 4, 2010 at 10:56 pm

   Man..you’re deep hahaha!

   Nice images. I like the halls best. I like the lonely black and white tone of the shots.
2. Patty says:

   January 4, 2010 at 11:37 pm

   Did something happen recently that I don’t know about? :/